My Journey
Everything you experience becomes a part of you.
I ignored the signs for years.
My twenties spent over-exercising, over-achieving, and over-compensating in every way for deep cracks in my foundation. Unease from deep in my soul was slowly leaking into my physical body. Unhealed parts of a scared little boy cried out through subtle symptoms. Slow digestion, crippling fatigue, pain in the joints, racing in the heart and mind, tremors, dizziness, I felt like I was falling apart.
When the symptoms became too great to ignore, I began seeing the "specialists" who one after another told me "your tests are normal."
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The anxiety of knowing I was sick and being told nothing was wrong sent me further into panic. All of it culminated with a full nervous system crash in 2020. I remember sitting there in the ER bed when my partner Renee came in.
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"What is going on with you?" She asked concerned and frightened.
My eyes welled up and I squeezed my lips as tight as I could to avoid bursting into tears. ​"I don't know."
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It was a lie.
My subconscious, my body, and
my soul knew what my conscious mind had trained itself to forget.
​A few weeks later, a vivid dream revealed to me the pain, fear, and shame that I'd kept buried inside of me for decades. In the dream, I re-lived one of the many explosive domestic violence episodes I helplessly witnessed between my parents as a child. The screams, the breaking glass, the crashing furniture, all of it.
As I sprung awake completely covered in sweat and tears I received the message that changed the trajectory of my life. "Nate, this is all still here. It's time to face it."
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It may seem obvious now, but this was the first time I truly knew that physical health and emotional health are interwoven threads of the same fabric. ​Overnight, my one dimensional pursuit of restoring physical wellness became a holistic spiritual reckoning. I let go of the limiting narrative that the doctors were the only ones who could solve my problems and I took full responsibility for my self and my health.
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March of 2020 came. As the pandemic was setting in, I was setting out-to learn everything I could about the myriad of symptoms I was dealing with and the root cause that precipitated them. I turned away from western medicine and looked inward to my intuition for guidance. Thousands of hours spent "chasing leads" on research articles, podcasts, youtube videos, and any piece of media I could get my hands on that offered a perspective I hadn't been exposed to.
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While I searched for physical answers, the spiritual ones began to show themselves. My higher self directed me to my relationship with my nervous system. Post traumatic stress disorder had more or less locked me into a state of hyper-vigilance. This meant my entire physiology was threatened. If I had any chance of restoring my health, I needed to communicate safety and ease into my body every chance I got. Nervous system healing led me down the path of nature's medicines. Breathwork, nutrition, forest bathing, cold immersion, heat, sun, and many others.
The work began to pay off in 2021 as the fog I was in began to clear. My energy was starting to return. I could eat a few more foods without severe reactions, I could do light exercise without becoming light headed, and for the first time in years I actually felt hopeful about my future.
Through a series of serendipitous events that I now attribute to manifestation from raising my frequency, I received a job offer that would move me to Sedona, Arizona in early 2022.
I SAID YES.
On the day of my move, I was driving through Missouri when I received a call from a home inspector I had hired to help me prepare to sell my home in Michigan.
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"Nate, we found mold in your condo. It's the second highest test result for black mold we've ever had. You and your family need to be out of the home and it needs to be remediated immediately."
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Another layer of my physical healing journey had been peeled back. It turns out that those with childhood trauma have a much higher likelihood of suffering from both auto-immune issues and symptoms from environmental toxins like mold, lyme, and other vector borne illnesses. More or less, the response that the nervous system has to trauma transcends the immune system all the way down to the cell. ​
​You can't change what you experience, but you can change the story you attach to it.
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Though it absolutely ravaged me, mold illness served an important purpose in my life.
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It woke me up.
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It forced me to slow down.
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It gave me the opportunity to look within, to let go of what was no longer serving me, and to allow myself to dream again.
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As my story and my healing continue to unfold, I feel a visceral calling to help others turn their pain into purpose and their breakdowns into breakthroughs.
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If you're done ignoring the signs and ready to get moving toward your most authentic self...​
I'm here by your side.
-Nate
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